Theories of Love

Some thoughts and concepts on how we give, receive, and sustain connection

Love is perhaps too magnificent to truly pin down in words. Yet when we look closely at how love moves through our lives, it can soften distress, deepen belonging, and bring clarity to our relationships.

Love isn’t a fixed idea. It’s more like a living current—flowing through friendship, intimacy, touch, attention, silence, and care. It gives us a language of true connection. And true connection, I believe, is at the root of healing and well-being.

Below are a few frameworks that explore love. Don’t treat them as fixed truths, because they're more like maps—ways to navigate the landscape of relationship with a little more compassion and grace. 

The 5 Love Languages

Popularised by Dr Gary Chapman, these five categories describe common ways people express and receive love:

  • Words of Affirmation – Encouragement, affection, and verbal appreciation.

  • Acts of Service – Thoughtful gestures that offer tangible help.

  • Receiving Gifts – Tokens of thoughtfulness and care.

  • Quality Time – Undivided presence and shared attention.

  • Physical Touch – Hugs, hand-holding, warmth through contact.

Many find this model helpful—but it doesn’t always speak to the lived experience of neurodivergent people, or those whose sense of connection includes the more-than-human world, silence, or energetic presence.

The 5 Neurodivergent Love Languages

Developed within neurodivergent communities, this emerging model honours less conventional but deeply meaningful expressions of love:

  • Infodumping – Sharing special interests as an act of intimacy.

  • Parallel Play – Coexisting without pressure to engage—reading, crafting, simply being.

  • Support & Advocacy – Helping with executive tasks or navigating ableist systems.

  • Deep Pressure & Stimming – Regulating through comforting touch, movement, or texture.

  • Authenticity & Unmasking – Being safe to show up without filters or performance.

This model invites a broader and more affirming understanding of how we connect. It’s especially powerful for those who’ve felt unseen in traditional models of affection.

The 8 Relational Needs

These needs, drawn from the work of Dr David Ferguson, speak to the deeper foundations of sustainable, nourishing connection:

  • Security – Knowing you are safe and wanted.

  • Validation – Feeling seen in your truth.

  • Acceptance – Being loved without conditions.

  • Encouragement – Receiving support to grow.

  • Attention – Being genuinely prioritised.

  • Appreciation – Having your presence acknowledged.

  • Affection – Experiencing care through warmth and gesture.

  • Support – Receiving both practical and emotional holding.

These needs cross all relational lines—romantic, platonic, familial, communal. They remind us that to love well is to care deeply, attentively, and in ways that meet the soul.

A Final Reflection

For me, love is not merely a feeling—it’s a way of being. It’s visible in how we listen, how we rest in silence together, how we honour each other’s nervous systems, and how we trust the slow, relational unfolding of things.

These frameworks are here to guide, not limit. Use them gently. Let them support you in asking tender questions, such as:

  • What makes me feel most loved?

  • How do I naturally express care?

  • What helps me feel safe, open, and connected?

  • How do I offer love to others—especially those with different needs or rhythms?

We all give and receive love in different ways. May your journey into love—whether with yourself, another, or the wonder in all things—be held in kindness and depth.


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