Therapeutic Endings and the Island of Self exercise

Endings are difficult for lots of people, but worth entering into with presence. Sometimes people prefer not to have endings. They'd rather avoid the feeling, recognition and remembrances that endings bring up. Distraction wins. However endings are also an opportunity for really being with change. Acknowledging our humanness, our vulnerability, our impermanence. 

Endings can be a time to grieve losses and pain. Endings can also be a time to celebrate gifts and gains. So even if endings bring mixed feelings, they also offer a sense of completion and teetering on the edge of new, profound and unknown beginnings. Endings are an opportunity to gather resources, express our truth, and step forward into the void, the space ahead, the unknown and build our lives in the next chapter.

Here's an activity that spontaneously popped into my head that has proven to be a helpful, creative way to help process the completion of a course of therapy. Of course it's entirely optional, and the end of therapy can be however you'd like it! Anyway, this exercise may be useful simply any time you would like to reflect on yourself, your life, and your direction.

The Island of Self

Inspired by Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh's concept of 'the island of self', which is an inner safe place to return to when life feels intense. He imagines it with trees, birds, and waterfalls, or something like that! Sweet, and pleasant. Anyway, if you want to look up his Island of Self meditation, you can probably find it online somewhere!

For this exercise, the way I offer it, you will require a pen and blank paper (preferably without lines or squares), and some optional colours e.g. blues, greens, greys, yellows or go crazy.

Draw yourself a satisfying island shape. The key thing is that it is a joined up line that makes some kind of circle, blob or jaggedy shape. Express yourself however you want here. This line is your boundary between what is "you" and what is "everything else."

You get to decide on this boundary, and like the tide on the shore, the boundary will change sometimes, and as things get washed up and taken in or thrown back to sea, you get to define yourself. Add words/symbols to the island that are important to you. Include all the active values, strengths, qualities, aspirations, activities, interests, healthy comforts and energies that keep you feeling your true innermost self and essence. These are what you return to maybe when you take a pause, breathe, reconnect to yourself, or make choices in life. 

Everything on the outside of that island is just LIFE on the outside. Add words/symbols. The sea can include buried treasure somewhere in the deep that you don't yet have access to. It can include hidden gifts, future hopes, rocks, shipwrecks, troubles, past experiences, places you go, people that inspire/annoy you, overwhelming stuff, sensory processes, or whatever else floats around in your mind, or where you find yourself splashing about sometimes, for fun or really-not-fun, or otherwise. But the idea is, these things are all changeable, sometimes out of reach, sometimes too close for comfort, but always you have a choice, because you have the boundary on your island of self to retreat, resource yourself, and return to later if needed.

So take care that on the island you place only that, which you currently feel is within your capacity to sense, return to, focus on, what is, with some gentle effort, within reach. It could be a few simple things like "steady breathing" or you might load with all sorts, that work for you to 'ground' and 'centre' yourself in your sense of your potential that is within reach. That's where you can go to recharge, and rest, at any time you need to.

Why this exercise?

It can help you reflect on what you have explored in therapy, and consolidate the learning and your intentions going forward. Also working with metaphors help to lighten and add playfulness to our inner processes, and before you know it you're finding a context to everything, and even a sense of humour can shine through. Whether you find yourself contemplating mermaids, pirates, sailing boats, stormy seas, dolphins, porpoise or calm tides and horizons, is up to you, whatever is happening in your life. Metaphors, like this, create a pocket of reflection, and playfulness is well researched as the best way to learn, explore and embed knowledge into our context-loving brains. It also adds a little heart and soul. Did you know that the symbolism of water across cultures is often related to consciousness?

You are a vast being. You may only be somewhere between 4 and 9 foot tall, depending on whether you consider yourself a dwarf or a giant, or anywhere in between, but inside you are a whole multiverse. What is in our conscious minds is not all there is. Reflective, playful processes help to unlock resources, and make them more easily accessible later on when we need them. They can provide perspective and help you to manage your sense of self, boundaries and regulation. So stand on your island, take it all in, and enjoy the hammock when you need it! But otherwise, set sail on adventure, and don't be afraid to go scuba diving, there are some wonders out there in the collective consciousness of life, of which we are all inseparably connected. Know your centre, but be brave enough to participate in belonging to, and (in your own curious, honouring, and daring ways) loving or 'being with' it ALL. You are you, and you are also LIFE!

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No artificial intelligence was used during the writing of this blog. It's all heart.